I
underestimated just how much time and energy motherhood would take from me. I
wasn’t aware of how much I would lose, even while being handed the world.
Apparently, the key to being a better mom is taking care of yourself, fostering
your own relationships, and doing the things you love. I guess I haven’t
figured out how to do these things with two children, one of who needs constant
care.
It isn’t
that I haven’t wanted to be there for you. It isn’t that I have forgotten you.
I still remember the fun times, the laughter, and the jokes. I remember what it
was like to feel supported and to support. I miss being appreciated. And I want
you to know that I appreciate you. Even now, across the distance and time, I
appreciate you.
I don’t
want to make excuses for my absence, but do want you to understand my plight. I
have struggled since Lucy was born, with depression and with anxiety. I have
struggled with exhaustion and grief since Lily was diagnosed with diabetes, neither
of which has helped the anxiety and depression. I have struggled to find myself
in the chaos that has become life with two kids. And in my struggle I have
neglected you. I have neglected you when I should be reaching out to you,
leaning on you, depending upon you.
I shouldn’t
have let the distance and time get between us, but life has slipped away so
quickly and easily that I didn’t realize you were absent until it was too late.
I am working on mending the gap between us. I am vowing to call more frequently,
to check in on you even during the most chaotic moments. I can’t promise I will
be perfect, but I do promise I will try. I want you in my life, and I want to
be a part of yours. I don’t want to miss any more monumental moments.
I only ask
that you hold me accountable, that you do your part to keep me honest. If you
haven’t heard from me, remind me. If you haven’t seen me, contact me. I am
doing all I can to be a better friend. I ask that you do all you can to help
me.
No comments:
Post a Comment