For the last hour Lily-Anne has been sleeping peacefully in
her crib, while I have spent the last 20 minutes folding laundry. The ten
minutes before folding laundry, I spent deleting and merging contacts on my
phone. My morning was spent walking and cleaning the garbage out of my car. My
early afternoon was spent feeding Lily-Anne lunch.
I look around at a house taken over
by toys. Toys that need to be neatly tucked back into their respective bins.
There are still boxes to be unpacked, others whose contents need to be sorted,
stored, or given away. I still have doctor’s to call, appointments to make,
bills to pay, and a plethora of paperwork to muddle through. I am overwhelmed
by the amount of work that presents itself each day. I am overwhelmed by exhaustion
and frustrated with my lack of motivation and energy.
Not only do I seem to lack the physical energy
to tackle these daily tasks, but I also seem to lack the mental and emotional
energy. My tears begin to well, as my list grows longer. I tell myself to
complete at least one task a day in order to feel some sense of accomplishment,
the laundry that had been sitting on my bedroom chest was today’s task, and
yet, I feel like I am taking one step forward two steps back as I look at the
three laundry baskets waiting to be washed, folded, and stored away.
I am, naturally, a very organized
individual. The chaos that children rein on a household causes frustration,
anger, and ultimately tears. I tell myself to say, “Fuck it!” to let it be as
it is, since cleaning is a losing battle. For a short time this seems to work,
but then I step on a pony or trip over a Barbie and become so irked that I shower the wrath of God on my children in the hopes that their habit of dropping toys
like rabbits do turds will subside. It doesn’t.
Lily-Anne is now calling my name,
wanting to be plucked from her crib. Any hope of accomplishing a second task is
dead because Lily will proceed to walk behind me, undoing all that I do. I am
taking a deep breath willing myself to stop writing, get up from my chair, and
continue on with my day despite my lack of productivity.
