The Ups and Downs of Facebook

 For the past several months, I have felt conflicted regarding Facebook. It seems that every time I log on lately I am bombarded by depressing, anxiety inducing news articles. An Ohio teen recently died from a rare brain-eating amoeba she contracted while in swimming in North Carolina. Violent pornography was found on Michael Jackson’s Neverland Ranch. A Tampa teen was found dead after a night of drinking and LSD. Four young girls were killed after the tire of the car they were riding in blew out, flipping the vehicle and resulting in their fatalities. An alligator at a Disney resort drowned a two year old. Then, of course, the never ending headlines regarding the Orlando shootings. I am confronted with the ignorant bigotry of Donald Trump, and the refusal of politicians to protect the citizens of this country. These are the news stories that glare at me from my screen. As I scroll through my news feed, I also run across article after article about children dying from rare diseases, cancer, and simple colds. All this death, destruction, and bigotry is making me sad, anxious, and completely fatalistic. There are days I dread what I might find is my perusal of this seemingly harmless social network.

            And yet, I continue to sign in. I continue to do so in the hopes that I might find a newsworthy article that is uplifting, funny, inspiring, and attempts to restore my faith in humanity. But I also continue to sign in because of you, my friends. Facebook comforts me when I am feeling my most lonely. It allows me to share bits of my life with you, and feel like I am a part of your lives. I get to watch your children grow, celebrate your successes and mourn your failures. Facebook, very simply, keeps me connected.

            How then do I resolve the conflict I feel between hating the negative news and loving the connection I feel to each of you? Limit my time? Ignore the news? I’m not sure that there is a simple answer to what seems a complicated question. For now, I will do my best to focus on the positive, laugh heartily when necessary, and do as Mr. Rogers recommends by looking for the helpers.

            

5 Reasons I Encourage My Children To Tattle

A couple of weeks before school let out for the summer, my oldest daughter, Lucy, came home somewhat upset about the fact that her friends were mad at her. Apparently, her friends were doing something (what in particular I don’t remember) the teacher had, on a previous occasion, told them to stop doing. Lucy, knowing they were wrong in their actions, told her teacher, who in turn dolled out the necessary consequences. Knowing Lucy was the one responsible for their punishment, her friends decided they were going to shun her, at least temporarily.

I was, quite frankly, unconcerned with her friend’s reactions. I was, however, proud of Lucy for speaking up not only against bad behavior, but particularly against her friends whom she cherishes.

            Lucy and I had quite a lengthy discussion about tattle telling and secret keeping. I know many parents that can’t stand tattling and make it quite clear to their children that tattling is not a good thing, but rather an annoyance. I take a different approach. I encourage my children to tattle for the following reasons.

1.      Tattling promotes communication.

Keeping an open line of communication between my daughters and I is extremely important. I want them to feel as if they can come to me with any problem, no matter how big or small. This open line of communication furthermore, allows us to have easy conversation regarding difficult topics.

2.      Tattling develops trust.

I want my daughters to feel trusted and to trust me. If they feel that tattling is but an annoyance they will be wary to come to me with problems and will eventually stop coming to me altogether. I want them to know that I trust their judgment and that they can trust me with their “secrets”.

3.     Tattling discourages secrets.

I do not want my daughters keeping secrets from me or anyone else, especially as they get older and secrets can become damaging or life threatening. I want them to openly communicate their joys, discomforts, and worries. I also want them to protect their friends by sharing with a trusted adult any secrets their friends may hold that are harmful.

4.      Tattling discourages bullying.

In a world full of bullies, I want my daughters to stand up for themselves and their friends by telling adults of such behavior. A bully is much more powerful and can inflict much more damage when their behavior goes unchecked.

5.     Tattling allows me to reinforce our family’s values and morals.

When a situation arrives like the one Lucy encountered and the lines of communication are open, I am able to have honest conversations about what we believe is right and wrong, good and bad, reinforcing those values and morals that we as a family cherish. I can only hope that both my daughters will embrace these values and morals and surround themselves with individuals who do the same.

I know that Lucy, and Lily for that matter, will, in the future, experience conflicts with friends and foes due to tattling. However, I hope that all these conflicts can be solved with open communication.