Last year, while at our local library, I ran into a mother
whose children attend the same school as Lu. Though we saw each other daily we
had not previously struck up a conversation. We did on this day. We talked
about a variety of subjects, what grades our children were in (hers were a year
ahead of Lucy), who they had as teachers (the one detail I can’t remember from
the conversation), where we lived (she happens to live not 5 minutes from me),
how long it took us to get our children to school in the morning (25-30
minutes) and which route we took to and from the school (she followed the main
roads, I favored the back roads). We talked for 15-20 minutes before our
children began to demand our attention and pull us in different directions.
Throughout the rest of the year, I saw this woman every afternoon at pick-up.
We often exchanged pleasantries and talked about how the year was progressing.
The end of school saw Jody, the girls, and I traveling north for the summer and
the end of our conversations.
However, we
struck up our daily acquaintance again at the beginning of this school year,
nothing more than exchanging pleasantries but still small conversations. About
a month ago, she began a conversation with me about Lily and her growth over
the last year. We then began talking about IB middle schools in the area (there
are only two), which led to her once again asking me where I live. I was taken
aback, as she continued to ask many of the same questions she asked me a year
ago at the library. At first, I simply felt like I was having a déjà vu.
However, as I shuffled the girls into the car and began to drive home, I became
more and more annoyed by the situation. Did this woman have such a short-term
memory that she didn’t remember our conversation? Does she simply talk to so
many people that remembering my details were impossible? Or was this an
indication of something else, something inherent in our society, a lack of
caring for other people and their situations? An egocentrism?
This
incident bothered me. However, I was able to brush it off because this woman is
an acquaintance at best. Not two weeks later, I was texting a friend
that I hadn’t talked to in awhile but keep in touch with through Facebook. The
conversation began as most conversations among friends, with us asking each
other how things were going and what was new. It then progressed into more
specifics. I began to discuss the challenges of taking care of a child with
diabetes and my desire to move. To my dismay, my friend asked me which of my
children has diabetes, and where we are now living. I was shocked. How could this friend, whom I adore, and was
so close to at one point in time, know so little about my family and life,
especially when I post so frequently to Facebook? I tried to excuse my friend’s
lack of knowledge by telling myself that she/he had a family and a life too,
one thousands of miles from me, but, honestly, I was pissed.
I pride
myself on learning names and retaining information regarding the individuals I
meet, especially information regarding my friends. I am not perfect. I don’t
always remember every detail, but my memory can often be easily refreshed.
Whether this is a learned or inherent skill I am unsure, and I question whether
others have simply not learned to pay attention to individual details, if it
simply isn’t inherent in their personality, or if they simply don’t care enough
to pay attention. I want to believe that others care but simply lack the
skills. However, my interactions with individuals often have me questioning
this theory. The only thing I do know for sure is that when I have interactions
like the two described above I feel angry, sad, and discouraged. So the next
time you are talking to someone, whether you will see them again or not, pay
attention, you never know when those details may come in handy and make someone
feel as if they are cared for.
