My Inner Geek: Back to School Excitement

I noticed this morning, while painfully struggling through a 10-mile run, that though warm and muggy, summer is beginning to wane; shadows are lengthening, clouds are becoming more prevalent, sunset creeps in a bit sooner with each passing evening and nights will soon require sweatshirts and long pants for warmth. The novelty of family time is beginning to wear on my patience as I yearn for the school year to begin, for Jody to return to work and Lu to start another year of pre-school. I am beginning to yearn for routine and the comfort and sanity that a predictable schedule delivers, while simultaneously mourning the end of summer warmth, spontaneity, fresh air and fun. And while all these thoughts swirl haphazardly in my head, I remember the anxiety and excitement that I felt, first as a student and then as a teacher, as the end of summer quickly approached.

Every year I was in school, since about the third grade through becoming a teacher, the end of summer brought with it a nightmarish, anxiety-inducing dream. One in which, I was standing outside my school (this varied depending upon where I was attending or teaching) holding my school schedule. Printed clearly on my schedule was the time school started, and my classroom or first period class. I was, as always, at school 15-20 minutes early, in order to allow myself the necessary time to find my classroom, and settle in to my desk. However, in my dream, I find myself wandering lost among the halls, unable to find my classroom. With each building I enter, each numbered door I pass, I feel my heartbeat elevating until, it is not only racing, but I am racing up and down hallways on the verge of tears. In some scenarios, I end up finally finding my classroom, only to walk into class late, producing embarrassment and mascara smearing tears. In other scenarios, I end up entering the wrong classroom, producing more embarrassment, tears, and extra anxiety. Each time I experienced this dream I woke up sweaty, teary, and extremely nervous about the coming school year. So much so that I often went to school days ahead of time, to find my classes, physically map out my schedule, and prepare myself for that first day.

Ridiculous! Yes, I know! However, school was and remains today one of my greatest joys and accomplishments. Jody likes to joke that if I could find a way to make money being a student, I would. I would most definitely be a perpetual student could I afford to do so. My feelings toward school are no different today than they were at thirteen, sixteen, or twenty-one. I bask in being a student, and was thrilled each year when the “Welcome Back” letter that so many students dread and abhor, cheerfully popped up in my mailbox.

Returning to school meant back to school shopping, not only for new trendy outfits, but also for school supplies. Choosing binders, dividers, pocket folders, and pencils made my heart super happy! Assembling and organizing my school supplies was akin to reading an incredibly engaging book! I became thoroughly immersed! It meant finding out and/or buying the books that I would be reading throughout the year, freshly cracking the spines of new books or inhaling the comforting musk of used books. Back to school meant seeing and interacting with friends regularly, as opposed to sporadically throughout the summer, due to conflicting family vacations, and camp schedules. It meant late night football games, acting in or attending school plays. Back to school meant new love interests and new friendships. It meant dances and dressing up. Back to school even meant the anticipation of vacations. It meant school spirit in the form of spirit days, homecoming, and rallies. It meant loving teachers, and hating teachers. Going back to school meant intellectual discussions, eye opening information, and life changing experiences. Returning to school was returning to life.

Each year I spent the day before the first day of school carefully choosing and laying out the next day’s outfit, checking and double checking my school supplies for any missing items, packing my backpack, packing my lunch, triple checking my schedule and situating all necessary items by the front door to ensure I did not forget anything important. After fretting, organizing, and arranging, I would then spend the rest of the day stifling my anxious excitement with phone calls to friends or the television. In the evening, I would lay in my bed lazily dreaming of the year to come, the future fun, and the dreams to capture. In the morning, I would wake, the geek in me fluttering with anticipation and excitement as I walked out the door and back to school.

            I must admit that because I am no longer teaching or in school, I find myself living vicariously though Lu. When she began school last year, I found myself fretting and fluttering as if it were my first day back. To date, Lu loves school, and seems to get as excited and anxious as I did throughout my life. I hope that of all my traits she has inherited a bit of geek. It will make her next 20 or so back to schools a lot less painful. However, if she is like her father when it comes to school…