There's Nothing Like a Sick Kid to Trigger My Anxiety

            Last week Lily contracted, what I thought was a small stomach bug. Slight diarrhea, a day without an appetite, and a small fever for a couple of hours. The diarrhea lasted a couple of days, though her appetite returned and the fever disappeared. However, her stool, a week later, though not diarrhea, is still not back to normal and this morning she not only had no appetite again but also spiked a fever again. Two days ago, I felt like I had contracted a bit of her bug, and I have worried all week about Lucy getting sick. The Lorazepam that I try only to take in situations of extreme anxiety has been on hand all week.

I realize that most mothers worry when their kids are sick. If they don’t worry, they pretty much think having sick kids sucks.  I on the other hand don’t just worry I fret, I sweat, I practically hyperventilate. Some of this reaction is just a normal part of my anxiety. However, some of the heightened anxiety is due to having a child with a chronic disease.

What most people don’t realize about diabetes is that it is affected by the slightest changes in the body. Lily’s sugars can spike or drop depending on hormonal changes, heat, mood/stress, or illness. Stomach viruses cause low blood sugar. Bringing those sugars up can be challenging when she is unable or unwilling to eat. Fevers cause high blood sugar, which if gone unchecked can lead to diabetic ketoacidosis (DKA), the state Lily was in when she was first diagnosed and resulted in a three-day trip to intensive care. These facts alone exacerbate my anxiety, but the unpredictability of the disease, the dependence on numbers leave me on the verge of weeping, upsets my stomach, and can, if I let it go unchecked, render me incapable of taking care of my daughter.

Even though I don’t necessarily have the same reactions when Lucy gets sick, I worry just as much. Horrible stories of children who have died as a result of simple diseases constantly circulate through my thoughts. Lucy’s own anxiety over getting sick contributes to my heightened anxiety.  I ask too many questions about how she is feeling, hover too much, Lysol frequently, and become a general annoyance to her and everyone in the house.

Having sick kids just doesn’t suck it consumes every aspect of my mental and physical health. So the next time you see me lecturing my children about washing their hands, or disinfecting every surface known to man, you can laugh, but do so empathetically.